10. You walk by a homeless man who whistles, “You’re obviously carrying twins! Congrats!” (Thank you for that, Mr. Homeless Man. Did wonders for my ego.)
9. You have permanently changed your address to “The Bathroom, Los Angeles, CA”
8. You’ve replaced chugging water with chugging a delicious concoction of spicy castor oil, pineapple juice and raspberry leaf tea. A spicy castpineberry-tini, please! Mmmmm.
7. You can practically hear your baby yell, “Not in front of ME, you pervert!” any time you so much as think about having sex.
6. You can practically hear your husband sigh, “Um, do we HAVE to?” any time you so much as think about having sex.
5. You find yourself having long, tearful conversations with your pre-maternity wardrobe: “We WILL be reunited one day, my long lost friends. Oh yes, one day.”
4. You actually RELISH the thought of getting painful, drop-to-your-knees-in-screaming-agony labor cramps.
3. You would be richer than Oprah if you had a dollar for every time somebody said, “It feels like you’ve been pregnant FOREVER!”
2. You have added Trojan condoms and Ortho Tri-Cyclen to your baby registry.
1. In a particularly disturbing turn of events, you’ve gotten tired of waiting to see what the baby looks like in her cute clothes… so you TRY THEM ON YOUR STOMACH:
“Awwww. Doesn’t she just look PRECIOUS in her onesie?”