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End-of-Week News Deliveries: Tracking Kids; Pumping Breasts; and Brainstorming Baby Names with Homeless Men

In the News

End-of-Week News Deliveries: Tracking Kids; Pumping Breasts; and Brainstorming Baby Names with Homeless Men

New wireless shoe device to keep track of your kids.  Something that Governor Sanford’s wife wishes she’d attached to her husband.  [lilSugar]

Hands-free breast pumping support.  And if that doesn’t work, there are plenty of men willing to lend their helpful hands.  [Baby Scoop]

A look at a kids’ clothing line popular with celebs:  Baby Eggi — Clothes with a conscience. Which is more than we can say for many celebs. [Tot Snob]

A new Barbie doll in the likeness of Heidi Klum.  That’s… quite a stretch.  Instead of blue eyes, Barbie now has green eyes!  And a gaggle of babies!  [popbytes]

Marriage makes you fat.”   We tried to reach a married couple for comment, but they were too busy stuffing their faces at McDonald’s to respond.  [Politics Daily]

Jon Gosselin plans a tell-all revenge book:  “We didn’t have sex for a year!”  Sounds like a great bedtime story for the kids.  [Cele|bitchy]

Sorry for the late start, guys.  This whole late-pregnancy thing is really wreaking havoc on my schedule.  Can’t sleep till 2AM…can’t get up till 10AM, at which point the starving cats march into my bedroom and literally pull my ass out of bed with their paws.  You’d think with that kind of  talent, they could make their own damn breakfast, but alas… Then I went to Starbucks, where I made the mistake of being nice to a homeless man who, in turn, wouldn’t stop talking to me and trying to come up with a name for my baby.  Apparently, I should use a name that’s a cross between mine — Candy — and my mom’s — Joyce.  I suppose that would be Jody.  Or…  Canjo?  YES!  CANJO KIRBY!   (Note to other Baby Mamas:  Don’t even THINK of using that gorgeous name.  It’s mine.  All mine!)

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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