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Varicose Hose

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Many women are chagrined to learn that varicose veins are among the lovely gifts that come with pregnancy and “advanced age” — but be chagrined no more, ladies.

Turns out, veins are the new black!  Which is why UpFactory has designed this hosiery featuring prominent veins and arteries. . . for those unfortunate women who aren’t blessed with the real deal.

Ah, varihosen.  And for only $57!

Personally, I’m waiting for them to launch the Stretch Mark Brassiere.  “When rapid weight gain and growth spurts just don’t do the trick…”

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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