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Lance Armstrong Welcomes Baby Boy with Impressive Gene Simmons Impression

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Lance Armstrong Welcomes Baby Boy with Impressive Gene Simmons Impression

Max does his best Gene Simmons impression

Lance Armstrong, who recently made a point of revealing that he broke up with fiancée Sheryl Crow because of her “ticking biological clock,”  has welcomed a baby boy with girlfriend (of, oh, 10 months) Anna Hansen — a 7 lb., 5 oz, 20-inch-long baby boy named Max.

Max also has the distinction of being the world’s youngest Tweeter:

“Wassup, world? My name is Max Armstrong and I just arrived. My Mommy is healthy and so am I!” Max writes in his Twitter post, which includes a photo of him in a cap and sticking his tongue out.

One day old, and his Tweets are already more entertaining and eloquent than Ashton Kutcher’s.

Lance also has three children with ex-wife Kristin. The children were conceived through in vitro fertilization with sperm frozen prior to Lance’s chemotherapy for testicular cancer.   Because of his condition, Lance has admitted that Max was a SURPRISE! — just like me.  We surprises are the best, Max; always keeping Mom and Dad on their toes.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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