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Jon & Kate Plus a Mistress


Jon & Kate Plus a Mistress

Jon & Kate Plus 8 father Jon Gosselin, 32, must have too much time on his hands, what, with only having to raise eight children and all, so he has managed to fill his downtime by having an affair with a much younger third-grade school teacher, Deanna Humme.

We have ourselves a Husband of the Week contender, folks!

There have been plenty o’ rumors swirling around Jon’s alleged roving eye recently, including reports that he enjoys cruising local bars for college honies.

Ah, I remember dudes like that hanging around when I was in college.  We had a very special term of endearment for them:  “Ew.”

But now the rumors have been confirmed.  According to Miss Humme’s brother — who TOTALLY sold her out to Us Weekly — Jon and Deanna met in mid-January at Chill Lounge in Reading, Pennsylvania, where they sent each other $3 shots.  Awwww… love at first lemon drop shot!  Jon — who has twins, 8, and sextuplets, 5 — then apparently began relentlessly pursuing Miss Humme. By mid-February, he was coming over to their Reading house, where her bro says Deanna and Jon would “pretty much stay locked away like two teenagers.  It was weird.  He’s a grown man.”

Lest you think the teacher was merely helping Jon review his multiplication table, her brother eloquently added:

“A lot of the time, it was pretty, um, gross listening to her, you know, um — how do I say this? The walls are thin. Let’s just say that. I mean, no one wants to hear his sister having sex, let alone with a married dude who’s, like, almost twice her age and who has eight kids and a maybe-crazy wife. Ick. Nast.”

And he forgot:  ew.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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