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Mother, Friend, Personal Ego Deflator

Candy's Column

Mother, Friend, Personal Ego Deflator

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CANDY:  We made an appointment to tour a day care this week…

CANDY’S MOM:  Already?!

CANDY:  They’re booked months in advance.  There’s actually a waiting list.  Hell, we’ll have to start looking at pre-schools soon!

CANDY’S MOM:  I’ve heard some of those places even make the kids take I.Q. tests.

CANDY:  Crazy, right?

CANDY’S MOM:  Good thing we didn’t have to do that at your school.  We never would have gotten you in!

(Ed. note:  It’s no wonder I turned to Snickers Bars for comfort as a child. And teenager.  And adult. Dammit, WHY IS THERE NO CHOCOLATE IN THIS HOUSE?!)

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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