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End-of-Week News Deliveries

In the News

End-of-Week News Deliveries

A guide to fighting “constructively” in front of the kids.  Surprisingly, bitch slaps are apparently not considered constructive.  [New York Times]

Britney Spears is pregnant, according to Ryan Secrest… who heard the news from Paula Abdul, who heard it from the voices in her head.  [CelebWarship]

A 44-year-old PTA mom caught having oral sex with 13-year-old boy.  Guess PTA stands for “Pretty Terrible (Sex) Acts” these days. [The News-Times]

Does new mom Tori Spelling need weight rehab?  Here’s my recommended 12-step program:  Eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat; eat. [popbytes]

Toymaker Hasbro’s profits fell 47 percent during the first quarter as consumers bought fewer toys, and children forced to play with –*GASP* — last year’s Playstation games.  So, so sad.  [MarketWatch]

Heidi Klum and Seal are hoping for a girl, while Heidi’s womb is hoping for a break.  [Glam Baby Bumps]

How to recycle old sex toys.  That’s right:  Save the environment by going green with your used dildo peen!  [BlackBook]

A woman reveals “why I love my kid more than my husband.”   Somewhere, Freud is saying, “Tell me something I don’t know, lady.”  [The Frisky]

Don’t forget to submit your caption in our first-ever “caption this picture” contest with, yes, PRIZES!  Winner will be announced on Monday.  [TLS]

As I mentioned in yesterday’s column, Mr. Candy and I are currently in Central Pennsylvania — NO, we are not traveling around town in a horse and buggy, thankyouverymuch — for our baby shower tomorrow and return to Los Angeles on Sunday.  More frequent posts to resume on Monday and a new video blog is set to air next week, as well.  Have a great weekend, everyone!

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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