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Dear Candy: Feedback from Readers

Candy's Column

Dear Candy: Feedback from Readers

As you can imagine, I get quite a bit of feedback from fans, foes and the inebriated — much of which is even MORE entertaining than watching the Duggar clan — GASP! — meet their idol Kirk Cameron for the first time.  Yes, if you can believe it!  I’ve already received a few gems since “officially” launching The Laughing Stork and realized it was rather selfish of me to keep them to myself.   So I’ve decided to share this wealth of goodies with you.  (All are real; however, identities have been removed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

Dear Candy,

…i wish you the best but pregnancy and children generally are a horrible depressing business to me.  I have flashbacks of my mum yelling at me, my brother being nasty and my baby sister screaming, screaming, screaming.  Why would anyone choose to do that?  At the best of times it looks a helluva lot like slavery.   I’ve got my cat and turtle and lovely husband and sorry, it just ain’t funny to me and i don’t wanna know.

Dear Ray of Sunshine,

Have you ever considered a career in Hallmark’s Baby Shower copywriting division?  I sense a real talent for evoking warmth and sentimentality with your words!

xoxo,

Candy the Slave

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Dear Candy,

How did you steal george clooneys semen?

Dear Celebrity Semen Patrolman:

A little sweet-talking — and one big roofie-tini.

xoxo,

Candy Clooney

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Dear Candy,

money grabbing narcissist? are you talking about yourself with your image in the top corner and taking payment for advertisements on your site?

Dear Perceptive One,

Why, yes, I AM!  Now, please excuse me as I go roll around in my millions and watch myself do so in the mirror…

xoxo,

Candy, the Greatest and Richest Blogger IN THE UNIVERSE

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Dear Candy,

iam looking for pix of black savannah goergia milfs for my wall.

Dear Serious Art Collector,

Join the club, buddy.  Join the club.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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