Youth Soccer Coach Promotes Healthy Competition with “Losing is for Losers” Mantra

A Massachusetts youth soccer coach who dubbed his team of 6- and 7-year-old girls “Green Death,” urging them to eat “undercooked red meat” (ed. note:  mmm-mmm, good) and win at all costs has quit after his preseason manifesto shocked parents and league officials.

Green Death?  He should have been fired immediately.  I mean, I think everyone can agree “Satan’s Spawn” would have made a much catchier name.

“I believe winning is fun and losing is for losers,” Michael Kinahan — who’s clearly been reading “The Simon Cowell Guide to Competition” — wrote in a letter to the kids.

“Kill ‘Em” Kinahan’s welcoming letter also compelled his players to be ready to hit the pitch playing like a “Michael Vick pit bull,” adding that players should prepare for “bumps, bruises and even bleed a little” — and vowed to “heckle” the young referees… which apparently wouldn’t be the first time he’s done so.

“He chewed out a 12-year-old so bad last year she said she won’t referee anymore,” claims Scituate Youth Soccer board member Chris Park.

Good for you, coach!  Takes a big man to take on a pre-adolescent girl.  Or, more likely, a tiny man.

Despite resigning, Coach Kinahan has not backed down — because he’s a WINNER, dammit! — saying his letter was intended to be a mix of “suburban satire” and a challenge to compete.

“I stand by my comments. This isn’t two hours of free babysitting,” Coach Kinahan declared.

An appropriate attitude for youth soccer?  Um, perhaps not.  But the Detroit Lions’ coaching staff should definitely sign this guy up.