A Prom Dress Certain to Make Your Daughter the Most Popular Girl at the Dance

My husband claims when the doctor told us last month that we’re having a girl, our daughter’s entire life flashed before his protective eyes:  from kindergarten to her first date, from the prom to her wedding.  I’m guessing that in this vision, however, he did not imagine our teenage daughter would choose a prom dress accessorized with a satin vagina:

What you see is what you... get?

Prom theme song:  “Cherry Pie.”

With one in five teenagers planning to have sex for the first time on prom night, I suppose this is what they call “truth in advertising.”  *SIGH*  Whatever happened to more innocent times, like WAY back in the ’90s, when the only inappropriate thing I wore was ten coatings of hairspray on my bangs — and the only virginity I lost on my prom night was my PORN virginity? That’s right; after the oh-so-disappointing dance, I was coerced into watching my first-ever pornographic film with a group of giggly friends.

That porn, my friends, was “Genital Hospital.”

Now that I think about it, sounds like the perfect home for that sick dress.

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