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A Prom Dress Certain to Make Your Daughter the Most Popular Girl at the Dance

Kids

A Prom Dress Certain to Make Your Daughter the Most Popular Girl at the Dance

My husband claims when the doctor told us last month that we’re having a girl, our daughter’s entire life flashed before his protective eyes:  from kindergarten to her first date, from the prom to her wedding.  I’m guessing that in this vision, however, he did not imagine our teenage daughter would choose a prom dress accessorized with a satin vagina:

What you see is what you... get?

What you see is what you... get?

Prom theme song:  “Cherry Pie.”

With one in five teenagers planning to have sex for the first time on prom night, I suppose this is what they call “truth in advertising.”  *SIGH*  Whatever happened to more innocent times, like WAY back in the ’90s, when the only inappropriate thing I wore was ten coatings of hairspray on my bangs — and the only virginity I lost on my prom night was my PORN virginity? That’s right; after the oh-so-disappointing dance, I was coerced into watching my first-ever pornographic film with a group of giggly friends.

That porn, my friends, was “Genital Hospital.”

Now that I think about it, sounds like the perfect home for that sick dress.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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