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OMIGOD THAT BABY IS ACTUALLY IN MY BELLY?!?!

Candy's Column

OMIGOD THAT BABY IS ACTUALLY IN MY BELLY?!?!

I was born back in the olden days, before they gave regular ultrasounds to pregnant ladies and had fancy inventions like running water, so I know this 3D ultrasound of Baby Girl is going to blow my parents’ mind:

Rocky

22-week ultrasound taken this morning

Sure blew my mind.  Not that it takes much these days.  Pregnancy Brain has left me with as many functional brain cells as Amy Winehouse after an all-night bender.

Once I got over the shock of “OMIGOD, THAT BABY IS ACTUALLY IN MY BELLY?!?!,” I had to laugh.  No, not because I had just passed Pregnancy Gas — although, sadly for anyone within a five-foot radius, that is always a distinct possibility these days — but because I realized my healthy ice cream sandwich-based diet must not be satisfying Baby Girl’s hunger.  I mean, she really seems to be chowing down on that Filet du Index Finger.

Then again, she needs alternative food sources to fuel her energy, which seems to be in overdrive:  not only was she kicking and moving nonstop, but Sassy McSassPants also made sure to let us know she did NOT appreciate the intrusion of the ultrasound instrument, punching in its direction every chance she got.  Mr. Candy and I had different interpretations of what this means.

“Yay!  She’s going to have a saucy attitude,” I beamed.

“Yay!  She’s going to punch all the boys who hit on her,” my husband said with a sigh of relief.

Not the last time we’ll have a difference of opinion when it comes to Baby Girl, I’m sure.  But we still agree on on thing:

“OMIGOD, THAT BABY IS ACTUALLY IN MY BELLY?!?!”

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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