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The Beautiful Mother-Daughter Relationship

Candy's Column

The Beautiful Mother-Daughter Relationship


CANDY’S MOM:  I can’t believe you’re quoting me in your column now!

CANDY (WITH TREMENDOUS SYMPATHY):  Well, believe it.

CANDY’S MOM: It was an innocent comment.  I didn’t mean anything by it.

CANDY:  Uh-huh.

CANDY’S MOM: That’s it.  I’m not saying anything about you and the baby ever again!

CUT TO:  ONE MINUTE LATER

CANDY’S MOM: … I’ve been SO waiting for you to have a daughter; a little terror, just like you were!  You know what they say about karma… I’m going to be snickering the whole time —

CANDY:  Mom?

CANDY’S MOM: Yeah?

CANDY:  You do realize I’m writing this down, right?

CANDY’S MOM: (PAUSE)  Damn!

Editor’s note:  Toddler Candy was nothing but an angel sent from heaven.  Those SCREEEEAAAAMING tantrums on the department store floor…?   Merely a precocious child’s dramatic interpretation of the pain and sadness inherent in Picasso’s Blue Period.  …No?  Oh, okay, Toddler Candy was a little terror.  Karma will indeed be a bitch.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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