Yes, for once The National Enquirer reports the truth: I am indeed knocked up! Which is why, after years of poking fun at pop culture, I decided to launch The Laughing Stork: very little in the celebrity world is more humorous than the thought of me — a margarita-holic who once thought a “swaddle” was something grown-ups used with a handful of K-Y — entering parenthood.
The low-down… I am four months pregnant with a baby girl I like to call Candy Jr. Nice ring to it, wouldn’t you say? And, yes, Clooney is most likely the baby daddy; however, my husband of six years has generously agreed to step in as the father given Clooney’s aversion to children, commitment, our imaginary relationship and what-have-you.
So far my pregnancy has been spent either: 1) Curled up in the fetal position in the corner as I courageously power through margarita withdrawals; or 2) Curled up in bed, exhausted and nauseous (I lived on crackers and rice for three months), imploring the baby to stop cruelly torturing her mother like that.
Candy. A mother-to-be. Still hard for me to wrap my brain around that, even in the midst of my jubilation. As my mom marveled yesterday, “I just can’t picture you with a baby!”
Even better was my hubby’s response to the Big News after a month or so of trying:
ME: So, honey, I took a test today and… I’m pregnant!
HUBBY: Oh, my god. [GASP] That’s scary!
It’s always helpful to have a good support team in these emotional times.
I can already tell this is going to be one hell of a journey. Hope you’ll join me on this adventure as I chronicle it on The Laughing Stork, where we’ll also chat about those crazy parenting magazines, kids’ shows and products, celebrity babies, your own tales from the Parent ‘Hood (with picture submissions of your adorable tykes with fun “I Can Has Cheezburger?“-like captions!), maternity fashion, etc.
Speaking of which, if you’d like to get my classy maternity style, just check out www.PregnantHosRUs.com.