Pacifiers Gone Terribly, Terribly Wrong

My brother and sister are 13 and 11 years older than I am, respectively.  When my mom became pregnant with me — SURPRISE! — and told my siblings the news, they apparently laughed and said, “Yeah, right.”  So Mom cried.

Oops.

Eventually Dave and Angie got over their shock.  Last year, I believe?  (When they realized I would NOT stop attending family holiday get-togethers.)  And from what I can gather from old photo albums, they had WAY too much fun dressing me up in humiliating outfits, often accessorized with unflattering red-rimmed glasses.  The abuse I took, I tell ya.

Could have been worse, I suppose.  I’m just thankful they weren’t armed with these creepy-looking pacifiers I came across on the Web:

The Lisa Rinna Special.

Flavor Flav approves.  Now baby just needs a big clock around his neck, and Brigitte Nelson on his arm.

An orthodontist’s dream come true.

“I vant to suck your teat…”

Okay, I really wish I hadn’t posted this right before bedtime.  As if my pregnancy dreams weren’t weird enough…