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The Seven Stages of Going on Your First Trip Away from the Kids

Family & Parenting Humor

The Seven Stages of Going on Your First Trip Away from the Kids

Re-posting this in honor of my current business trip in New York City, where I am shooting a fun video campaign for Happy Family Superfoods


The Seven Stages of Going on Your First Trip Away from the Kids

1.  Denial — I will be fine.  Nay, I will be ECSTATIC to get a break from the kids and have some quality time to focus on myself.  I cannot wait for my husband to step into my shoes and get a real appreciation for everything I do around here.

2.  Anger —  What the hell was I thinking, planning a trip for three days away from my babies and booking a nonrefundable plane ticket?  I can’t do this.  WHAT AN IDIOT I WAS TO EVEN CONSIDER IT.

3.  Bargaining — Okay, what if I skip the last day of filming and come home a day earlier instead?  Or figure out a way to bring the kids to the video shoot with me?   I’m sure a 21-month-old and 3-year-old won’t cause any disruption at all!

4.  Guilt — My children are going to think I’ve abandoned them.  Worse yet, my husband is going to pick out their clothes while I’m gone.  I AM THE WORST MOTHER EVER.

5.  Depression — Just thinking about the looks on their little faces when they wake up and realize I’m not there to hug them makes me want to throw up.  Ugh.  I haven’t cried this much since the Steel Magnolias/The Notebook/Terms of Endearment marathon on Lifetime last year.

6.  Acceptance — Oh well, this trip will rejuvenate me, personally and professionally.  And the free wine on-set should help numb my pain.

7.  Regret — My husband just texted me a picture of my daughter wearing a diaper cover as a hat, the wine bottles were empty by the time I got to them and somebody stole my goodie bag.  I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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