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Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi Don’t Want Babies — But Sure Love to Pose Like They’re Having One

Celebrities

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi Don’t Want Babies — But Sure Love to Pose Like They’re Having One

If you’ve been holding your breath waiting for Ellen DeGeneres, 53, and wife Portia de Rossi, 38, to have a baby, well, then, you are not reading this because you’ve obviously lost consciousness by now. And I’d suggest you start inhaling oxygen again once you have been resuscitated because Ellen says it ain’t gonna happen, people.

“People are constantly asking Portia and me if we are going to have children,” Ellen writes in her third book, Seriously…I’m Kidding (out now). “We thought about it. We love to be around children after they’ve been fed and bathed. But we ultimately decided that we don’t want children of our own. There is far too much glass in our house.”

Hey, I can understand that. And just because they don’t want children doesn’t mean they can’t pose like they’re expecting one! Here are their Top 5 “WE’RE HAVING A BABY! (NOT!)” poses:

1. Ellen and Portia have fun with the classic “We are confirming the rumor” pose.

2. Their official (un)pregnancy portrait.

3. The pose a celebrity couple often employs in the first trimester to stir up publicity without actually announcing the news, by sort-of-but-not-really touching the bump.

4. …”And we just found out IT’S A BOY!  We’re OVER THE MOON!” (Psych!)

5.  A shotgun wedding…?

 

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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