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New App Aims to Show Women How Alcohol Ages Us

In the News

New App Aims to Show Women How Alcohol Ages Us

As part of a campaign to “encourage women to think about the health effects of regularly drinking above the recommended alcohol guidelines,” the Scottish government has created an app that lets users upload photos of themselves to show how their faces could age if they keep chugging margaritas at their current rate.  “Deeper wrinkles, red cheeks and weight gain” are reportedly just some of the delightful effects of regular heavy drinking.  (Ed. note:  But if you keep yourself drunk enough, you won’t care.  Let’s hear it for beer goggles!)

Why target women?  To play on our “vanity,” according to a spokesperson who wisely requested to remain anonymous.  Also, as everybody knows, it doesn’t matter if men look older — it’s only us women who aren’t allowed to age!

An interesting idea, for sure, so I decided to apply the same concept to see how KIDS age us*.  Here is what I discovered about the aging effects of raising children, using my very own photo:

*The more kids we have, the more frightening the results become.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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