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I Say, Skye Hears (An English-to-Toddler Translation)

Toddlers

I Say, Skye Hears (An English-to-Toddler Translation)

Miss Skye’s speech is improving at a mind-boggling rate — “Silly Skylar farted in bathroom!” she declared tonight (I’ve never been prouder) — and yet her ability to understand me when I speak is not always so extraordinary.  Some examples of how things get lost in translation with a two-year-old:

I SAY:  Ssshhh.  Don’t wake the baby.  He’s sleeping.

SKYE HEARS:  Immediately run to the bedroom and yell “DREW AWAKE!  DREW AWAKE!” in the baby’s face until he is awake.

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I SAY:  Sit down in your chair, please.

SKYE HEARS:  Don’t just stand on your chair — jump up and down on it!

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I SAY:  Inside voice.

SKYE HEARS:  Scream louder, there are some people in Peru who can’t hear you.

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I SAY:  Don’t touch Mommy’s computer.

SKYE HEARS:  Make sure your hands are covered in yogurt before you bang on the keyboard.

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I SAY:  Gently, please.

SKYE HEARS:  Push Drew’s swing hard enough to fly through the window.

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I SAY:  Pick up those toys you threw on the floor.

SKYE HEARS:  You know what would be cool?  If you stared straight ahead and totally ignored what I just asked you to do.

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I SAY:  You probably shouldn’t play with the phone….

SKYE HEARS:  Push “redial.”

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I SAY:  Time for a family hug.

SKYE HEARS:  Kiss and hug Drew at least three times, and just leave poor Mom and Dad hanging.  (Yeah, hard to get too mad about that one.)

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I SAY:  Time for a nap!

SKYE HEARS:  We are putting you in solitary confinement for the rest of your life.

Originally posted on September 21, 2011

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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