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Courageous Citizens Protest Tot’s “Criminal” Chalk Art

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Courageous Citizens Protest Tot’s “Criminal” Chalk Art

Chalk is also a known gateway to drugs and use of un-washable markers.

In a world filled with murderers, thieves and kidnappers, it’s about time somebody cracked down on the real criminals:  three-year-old chalk artists.

If you’ve ever stepped on a chalk heart on your sidewalk and thought, “My god, STOP THE MADNESS ALREADY,” you’re not alone.  One Denver HOA is bravely trying to put a stop to chalk art in their neighborhood, where 3-year-old Emerson Cohen brazenly defiles the sidewalks with pictures of flowers that wash away with a simple hose-down or rainfall.  It is, in one word, reprehensible.  Or, if you’d prefer five:  the downfall of our youth.  Chalk-wielding terrorists that they are.

“It’s definitely better than video games,” said Emerson’s mother in defense of her daughter’s indefensible actions. “It’s a simple pleasure for her.”

Simple pleasure?  Pssshhh.  To some HOA members, it is no less than a criminal act.

“My initial reaction was, ‘You have to be kidding me,’” said an incredulous Cohen, who added that they moved to Stapleton because it was a family-friendly neighborhood.

Yeah, well, THAT WAS YOUR FIRST MISTAKE, MISSY.

“We live on a courtyard and we all bought into the notion that we were sharing a space,” said Cohen.

People living there did the usual neighborly thing by smiling to the Cohens’ faces and passively-aggressively complaining about the chalk art behind their backs.  The HOA agrees with the complainants, claiming that because it is a shared space, anything that offends, disturbs or interferes with the peaceful enjoyment isn’t allowed.  Which surely includes a three-year-old’s carefree scribbles.

The HOA will soon vote on whether to crack down on the pint-sized criminal.  In the meantime, Cohen says she plans to let her daughter continue to “decorate” the common area.   Damn hippies.

“It’s summertime and God forbid my daughter is drawing flowers, her name and hearts,” said Cohen.

Hopefully, justice will be served and Emerson will be forced to spend her summer engaging in a proper children’s activity.  Like staring listlessly at the TV.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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