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[THE ENVELOPE PLEASE] And the Most Popular Baby Names of 2011 Are…

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[THE ENVELOPE PLEASE] And the Most Popular Baby Names of 2011 Are…

When Mr. Candy and I were deliberating over baby names, I had two requests:  I didn’t want the name to be in the top 10 (advantage:  minimizes confusion; disadvantage:  harder to find magnets with my daughter’s name on them) and, more importantly, I did not want the name to be in any way associated with my husband’s ex-girlfriends and/or crushes.  Which meant two immediate strikes against Mr. Candy’s favorite name:  Emily.

I mean, really.  Who would want to name their daughter after the girl known for wearing short skirts and not crossing her legs in her husband’s seventh grade class?  (Answer:  My husband, apparently.  His defense:  “But I just like the name!  WHY DO YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER EVERY STORY I’VE EVER TOLD YOU?  UGH!”)

Well, it seems there are lots of dads out there who went to middle school with miniskirt-clad girls because Emily remains on the top 10 list.  Or maybe it’s just because it’s a pretty name.  Either/or.

The big news that everyone’s whispering about regarding this year’s name announcement:  Sophia has pushed Isabella from its number-one perch, bumping Isabella to second place to claim the top spot on the Social Security Administration’s list.  SCANDAL!  Oh, no, Sophia di-in’t!

Also, Mason has climbed to number two on the list of boys’ names, a rise that some suspect may have been inspired by reality “star” Kourtney Kardashian and her little man.  Regardless, I am certain of one thing:  no one in their right mind would admit that.

I know, I know… I’ve kept you all waiting with bated breath long enough!  And the most popular baby names of 2011 are (along with what immediately spring to my mind when I hear them, for no particular reason)…

Top 10 girls’ baby names:

  1. Sophia  (What immediately comes to mind:  The big star who refused to even say “hello” or look up at me after I waited in line for hours to have her sign my perfume box on my 13th birthday.)
  2. Isabella  (Must be stinging from her fall from first place.)
  3. Emma  (The movie with Gwyneth Paltrow.)
  4. Olivia  (My 11-year-old cousin.)
  5. Ava  (My 7-year-old cousin; our neighbor’s daughter; and our friends’ newborn daughter.)
  6. Emily  (Miniskirts.  Grrrr.)
  7. Abigail  (Our family’s cockatiel from my childhood.)
  8. Madison  (What Mr. Candy and I had planned on naming our daughter for many years.  Until we actually had a daughter.)
  9. Mia  (Farrow.)
  10. Chloe  (The name on the side of my sweet sunglasses.)

Top 10 boys’ baby names:

  1. Jacob  (Team Edward!)
  2. Mason  (If it’s Kourtney Kardashian, I’m not going to admit it.)
  3. William  (Dude I knew in high school.)
  4. Jayden  (Britney Spears’ son.)
  5. Noah (‘s Ark)
  6. Michael (Holy oldie, this one must have been in the top 10 when I was born, too.  Yes!  Back before electricity!)
  7. Ethan (Allen)
  8. Alexander (My nephew.)
  9. Aiden (Mistreated boyfriend on Sex and the City)
  10. Daniel (Dude I knew in high school.)

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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