Happy Presidents’ Day, my fellow Americans! This is an important holiday, as you know, a holiday typically celebrated with no school and daycare, despite parents still having to work, and awesome sales on bed sheets at Macy’s. To do my part in honoring this occasion, I have come up with a list of lessons and advice to impart to our children, as reinforced by Presidents of the U.S. over the centuries.
1. President George W. Bush:
Always chew your food well.
2. President Bill Clinton:
Be sure to clean up your messes!
3. President Abraham Lincoln:
Sitting too close to the TV or stage can be hazardous to your health.
4. President Richard Nixon
Never tell a lie.
5. President Ronald Reagan
If you make a funny face, it will get stuck that way.
6. President George Washington
Don’t forget to brush and floss regularly.
7. President William Taft
Don’t eat too many sweets.
8. President Barack Obama
Always wear a helmet when riding your bike! You won’t look like a dork — well, yes, you will, but wear one anyway.