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The Laughing Stork

Family & Parenting Humor

Carrot Face

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I often sing ditties about my own glamorous everyday life to the tunes of well-known songs — usually in my head and, yet, still strangely out of tune.  A recording contract can’t be far behind.  Here is one I happened to be warbling in my head while feeding Drew last night…

Sung to the tune of Poker Face by Miss Skye’s favorite artist, Lady Gaga

Carrot Face

Nom nom nom aaahhh
Nom nom nom aaahhh

I wanna hold my own spoon like my sister please
Grab it gnaw it fling it any place but in my mouth (a huge mess)
Carrots ‘specially messy shoulda gone with pears to start
But Mom said no cuz pear’s a laxative, always makes me fart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh
Oh what a mess, in my ears no less
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh,
Oh what a mess, in my ears no less

Can’t clean my
Can’t clean my
No Mom can’t clean my carrot face
(don’t like it makes me shake my head)
Can’t clean my
Can’t clean my
No Mom can’t clean my carrot face
(don’t like it makes me shake my head)

C-c-c-carrot face, c-c-carrot face
(Nom nom nom aaahhh)
C-c-c-carrot face, c-c-carrot face
(Nom nom nom aaahhh)

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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