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Clip of the Day: “Princess Means That You’re a Loser” — Good-Spirited Toddlers & Tiaras Pageant Mom


Clip of the Day: “Princess Means That You’re a Loser” — Good-Spirited Toddlers & Tiaras Pageant Mom

I watched last week’s Toddlers & Tiaras: Island of Dreams Pageant with dismay — not because of the pushy grandmother who seems to think pageants are more important than presidential elections or the parents who used a paint roller to darken their child to a lovely shade of poop, but because there was nothing particularly outlandish or novel to chronicle in my show recap.   Same flippers, different week.

So there I was, sucking down a gingerbread martini and laughing at all the little girls falling down on their tutu’d, diapered behinds on stage (yes, apparently Kahlua imbues me with the maturity and sensitivity of a 12-year-old boy), when a savior appeared…

Meet Kelly, mother of 23-month-old Natalie, who provides the only real clip worth watching from last week’s episode.  I think we can all learn something about losing with dignity from Kelly.

Most inspiring quote of the show:  “Why would I stay after you tell my daughter she’s a loser? She got f*cking princess. It’s a f*cking joke. This is a JOKE. JOKE, JOKE, JOKE.”

Most unexpected plot twist of the show: When Kelly looks like an even bigger loser because her daughter is crowned Novice Supreme, after all — and she is outside pouting and dropping F-bombs when they are called on-stage. D’oh.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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