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Jessica Simpson Will Earn $75,000 for Every Post-Pregnancy Pound She Loses

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Jessica Simpson Will Earn $75,000 for Every Post-Pregnancy Pound She Loses

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Jessica Simpson is only worth about $1 billion so, now that she’s expecting a baby and all, Jess naturally is looking for new income opportunities to help her expanding family scrape by.  Thankfully, Jessica, Baby J-Simp and What’s-his-name won’t have to rely on food stamps because Weight Watchers has come through for the singer and clothing designer, whose apparel I refuse to buy on principle alone but secretly find cute.

Yes, Jessica has just inked an estimated $3 million deal with Weight Watchers to lose her baby weight, according to Page Six.  If you estimate she’ll have about 40 pounds to lose, that means she’ll rake in $75,000 for every pound she drops.  Which equals… [QUICKLY PUNCHING SOME NUMBERS ON MY INVISIBLE CALCULATOR]… a LOT of freakin’ baby onesies.

Just remember, Jessica:  Gerber onesies are like your old Daisy Dukes — they run really small.

And guess what, folks?  Today is your lucky day because only The Laughing Stork has a sneak peek at a mock-up for Jessica’s Weight Watchers promotional campaign (Yes!  Already!)…

No problem, new mamas!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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