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10 Totally Reasonable Explanations for Beyoncé’s “Disappearing” Baby Bump

Celebrities

10 Totally Reasonable Explanations for Beyoncé’s “Disappearing” Baby Bump

Unless you’ve been hiding under Beyoncé’s prosthetic baby bump, er… I mean, a rock… you have likely heard about Beyoncé’s appearance on a talk show where her bump seemed to, well, deflate:

Thus fueling rumors that her pregnancy is fake, covering up the fact that she and Jay-Z have contracted with a surrogate to carry their baby. Naturally. Because if Katie Holmes’ and Nicole Kidman’s pregnancies taught us anything, it’s that people love a good fake baby bump rumor.

But I think there are some completely plausible explanations for Beyoncé’s “now you see it, now you don’t” baby. Yeah, that’s right — I’m coming to Bey’s defense! Here are 10 such logical explanations:

10. Standing up, she was pregnant Beyoncé, but sitting down…? She turned into non-pregnant alter-ego Sasha Fierce.

9. She is pregnant with a whoopee cushion.

8. Beyoncé had an affair with Terminator 2’s T-100 and the baby inherited his shape-shifting gene. (BUSTED!)

7. Maybe the dingo ate her baby.

6. She had a weak pregnancy bladder moment as she sat down, thus the deflation.

5. The baby dropped. (Out of sight.)

4. One word: Solange. Oh yes, Solange is behind this somehow. Bwa-ha-haaaa!

3. The maternity Spanx finally kicked in.

2. The baby heard they were going to play songs from Beyonce’s new album and made a quick exit.

1. Papa Knowles stole her baby, too.:

 

 

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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