The Laughing Stork Launches New Fragrance: Eau de Spit-up

Parenting columnist Candy Kirby boasts sleep swaddling (swaddling a cranky newborn in the middle of the night while still sleeping) and the ability to pick up a pacifier with her toes while shaking a martini with her other foot among her impressive achievements.  Adding to her accomplished portfolio, Candy now has a new trademark scent reflective of how she smells morning, noon and night:  Eau de Spit-up.  Although Candy’s first child rarely if ever regurgitated her milk, her second-born spits up more than Paris Hilton looks in the mirror, giving Candy a permanently sour aroma.  “What is this crusty white stuff in your hair?” Candy’s hair stylist asked with disdain.  “Take a whiff!” Candy replied.  And the stylist did, the distinctive and pungent smell literally knocking him off his feet.

“You should bottle that,” he said sarcastically, gasping for air.

Thus a new fragrance was born.

Filled with the smell of expired milk and just a hint of explosive poop, Eau de Spit-up is sure to make you a hit with all of the neighborhood raccoons.  Stay tuned for complementary products from this new mom-inspired beauty and clothing line, including pre-stained shirts — that’s right!  Shirts that come already stained with yellowish milk circles around the breasts and splashes of spit-up down the back!