Kim Zolciak Lends Her Trademark Elegance to Tabloid Pregnancy Spread

Because nothing says “classy mother-to-be” like selling pictures of yourself in see-through panties and a Barbie wig to Life & Style magazine.

I know what you’re thinking and it’s true:  Kim and I are both due in June, and I’m just bitter that she beat me to the punch.  Damn you, Kim Zolciak, my new arch enemy!

Kim tells L&S that she’s proud of her pregnant body, which explains why the spread appears to be sponsored by Penthouse Lingerie:

“I’ll be 33 when I have this baby, and I’m more in touch with my body now,” Kim claims.  The “32”-year-old reality star, who already has two daughters, Brielle, 13, and Ariana, 9, from a previous marriage, says she’s gained about 20 pounds so far. “I’m definitely eating a lot more now than I did with my girls.” Not that she — or her man, Atlanta Falcons defensive end Kroy Biermann, whom she’s been dating since May — minds a little extra junk in the trunk. “Kroy loves me pregnant. I don’t remember my ex-husband being that into it, but Kroy loves it. He tells me I’m so beautiful.”

Together for nearly 10 months (and almost six months pregnant…even I can do that math), Kim reveals to L&S that she and Kroy are finally shacking up together in Atlanta, just in time for their newborn’s June arrival.   “We’ll be moved in before the baby is born,” she says.  In terms of marriage, Kim says:  “Kroy’s perfect for me, but we’re not engaged.  If we get married, Kroy would like to have one more child, and I want one too.”

Well, for your next tabloid spread, might I suggest a pregnancy portrait more in the vein of this or this?  Talk about true elegance.