1. You do not get laid for a long, long time.
2. Your wife’s voice reaches a pitch only dogs can hear.*
*Exception: If accompanied by an equally ear-piercing squeal and exuberant hug, however, you have likely hit a home run.
3. Your wife finds a “creative” place to display the gift.
4. You realize you are ridiculously more giddy about the gift than she is.
Editor’s note: This is the official launch of Laughing Stork original comics! Woo-hoo! Please bear with me as they inevitably evolve and I figure out how to manipulate the pre-made cartoon elements I purchased, but trust me when I say these renderings are WAY preferable to anything drawn by yours truly — which almost always ends up looking like a surprised bobble-head. Even when I am trying to draw a flower.