Connect with us

The Laughing Stork

Baby Freedom’s Bachelor Pad-in-Progress

Candy's Column

Baby Freedom’s Bachelor Pad-in-Progress

Lovely, no?  Nothing says “precious newborn” quite like electrical wires and power tools.  Fingers crossed he sleeps through the night on his cozy roll of plastic!

Mattresses are SO 2010.

In case you can’t hear it — unlike our neighbor, a pediatrician who works the night shift at the hospital and let us know just how THRILLED she was to have her afternoon nap interrupted by the melodious sound of metal-cutting saws (so much for getting free medical advice from her) — construction workers are in the process of converting part of our loft into an enclosed bedroom for Baby Freedom.  The area on the other side, which used to be my office, will become a play room where Skye can push over her baby brother.  Er… I mean, play with her baby brother.

No, I mean push over.

Our house has more floors than the Sears Tower — true story — with our kitchen, half-bath, and living and dining rooms on the first floor, the above mess on the second floor-slash-loft, two bedrooms and bathrooms on the third floor, and our own rooftop deck, formerly known as Keg Party Central, on the fourth floor.  Which is my long-winded way of telling you that if I never saw another stair again, it would be too soon.  Also, all of this stair-climbing has blessed Mr. Candy with a particularly nice tushy.

One day our kids will read this (because I will force them to) and scream, EWWWWWW! And Mr. Candy and I will grab each other’s tushies for good measure while squealing, Mmmm… Tushy! Because that’s the kind of not-at-all-embarrassing parents we are.  In fact, I will take great pleasure in mortifying them after the sacrifices I’ve made, namely going from having my office in the second bedroom with a view of the Hollywood Hills, then being pushed down to the loft, and now…?  Being relegated to a corner of our bedroom where this is my new view:

Hmpf.  When Mr. Candy told me I could have a “corner office,” this was NOT what I had in mind.

Given the way we’ve turned this place upside down for the kids, one thing is clear:  The hubs and I totally need to reclaim Keg Party Central.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

More in Candy's Column

To Top