Connect with us

The Laughing Stork

Welcome to the Zoo

Candy's Column

Welcome to the Zoo

There are only a few decisions in life that will irrevocably change the fiber of your being.  The decision to give up your virginity, for example*.  Or the decision to pour the sweet, sweet nectar of fraternity keg swill down your throat for the very first time.  Or, of course, the split-second decision to exclaim, “Yes!  Of course!” when asked if you are still interested in adopting that ridiculously adorable Blue Persian kitten you had first inquired about more than a month ago — even though you are in the midst of a kitty battle with the other cat you have adopted in the meantime.  A decision to adopt a third cat.  Which can only mean one thing…

Hello, my name is Candy.  And I am now a Crazy Cat Person.

Oh, and so is Mr. Candy.  Because when I asked him if we should adopt this cat that had been abandoned at a shelter, thinking he would dump a litter box on my head, grab me by the shoulders and tell me to get a grip, you know what he said instead…?

“How can we not?”

How can we not, he said.  Then the cat’s foster mom sent me this picture of her.

Needless to say, that sealed the deal.

We have only had this doll of a cat** for a day, but she may just be — I say this with complete objectivity — the sweetest cat ever known to man.  She is so laid-back, in fact, that she falls off of chairs while she sleeps.  True story.  She also fell asleep in my arms, purring, when I met her at a PETCO adoption event where we were surrounded by screaming kids and barking dogs.  Most comfortingly of all, she barely blinked when Marcy nervously approached her.  (We have not yet introduced her to The Bully.)  Such an easygoing demeanor.  And you know what that means, right?


Yup.  We’re going to have fun with this girl, all right.

*Oftentimes making that decision takes longer than the act itself — not that I would know, of course.  *AHEM*

**Name TBD.  We’re waiting for inspiration to strike.

Continue Reading
You may also like...

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

More in Candy's Column

To Top