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U Can’t Stuff This

Candy's Column

U Can’t Stuff This

Re-posted from Nov 25, 2009 (and we’re doing the very same thing for Thanksgiving this year, wild and unpredictable folks that we are)

Thanksgiving is a special holiday when we give thanks for elastic-waistband pants.  It also is a time for history appreciation, as we honor the momentous harvest feast shared between the Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians by marching a gigantic Mr. Potato Head balloon down 42nd Street.

To be honest, Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  After all, what could be more fun — or American — than a holiday centered around gorging ourselves until actual gravy oozes from our pores?  I am a little bummed that we won’t be flying back to the East Coast this year; this will be only the second time that I’ll have missed Thanksgiving dinner with my parents and Grandma Kirby, who always makes me feel loved by asking, “Why didn’t you become a lawyer?  Now that’s a good job.”  But given that we will be flying with Miss Skye next month for Christmas, I thought it would be best to minimize baby travel by staying in Los Angeles this Turkey Day.  The city’s residents are known for their bountiful Thanksgiving platters — just as the Pilgrims enjoyed many centuries ago — filled with tofurky and sushi.

Thankfully, however, we’re going to be venturing just outside of Los Angeles to my cousin’s house, where she will serve REAL turkey, stuffing, potatoes and pumpkin pie lovingly picked up from the grocery store with her very own hands.  Yes!  A pre-made dinner!  That’s how our family rolls.  Saves us precious time and energy better spent with Mr. Candy’s and my thoughtful contribution to the day:  a case of Heineken.

To all of my American readers:  Have a wonderful, bloated Thanksgiving!  And to everybody else, let’s raise a glass and give thanks we’re not turkeys.

Hugs and kisses dipped in cranberry sauce,


This year I would like to give thanks for the twinkle in my daughter’s eye, especially when it’s not the harbinger of a temper tantrum, and on the occasions that it is…?  I am thankful for earplugs and aspirin and jumbo-sized bottles of Ketel One.  Amen.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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