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Top 10 Signs You May Be a Parent Who Needs to Get Out of the House More Often

Candy's Column

Top 10 Signs You May Be a Parent Who Needs to Get Out of the House More Often

10.  Whenever you drive up to your daughter’s daycare, all of her teachers yell, “HIDE!  It’s Skylar’s Mom!  You know, the woman who NEVER shuts up?”

9.  You have developed an unhealthy crush on Steve, the host of Blue’s Clues;

8.  When you log on to Facebook, it sighs, “YOU again?!”

7.  You think “Jeggings” is the name of the latest Duggar kid;

6.  You often wake up humming the tune that your daughter’s annoying toy cooking pot sings:  Cream It!  Steam It!  Eat it on the cob!  Corn…

5.  The last movie you saw in the theater was Over Her Dead Body;

4.  The biggest laugh you’ve had all week is when the Wonder Pets were passionately singing, “Save the Beaver!”  (I’m not going to lie:  That still makes me laugh.)

3.  You have asked Frank, the delivery guy and new BFF, to be the Godfather of your next child;

2.  You have lost sleep wondering if Cookie Monster has an eating disorder.  (Seriously.  What is UP with that binging and purging business?)

1.  You are so desperate for adult interaction, that you have even started responding to spammers’ e-mails:  Why, yes, I would LOVE to hear more about your penis enlargement business!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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