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Future Mother of the Day So Far: The Sperm Hunter

Headline of the Day

Future Mother of the Day So Far: The Sperm Hunter

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The Sperm Hunter

Headline:  I’M SO DESPERATE FOR A BABY I GRAB STRANGERS FOR SEX ON NIGHTS WHEN I AM MOST FERTILE

Key quote:  “If Lara, 25, meets a man who wants to use a condom, she will offer one from her purse – which she has already pierced a hole in.”

Editor’s note:  I know what you’re thinking, and I agree — The Sperm Hunter would make an AMAZING reality show.  Twelve women compete for the sperm and STDs of random men in bars with weapons such as broken condoms and beer goggles…hosted by field expert Paris Hilton!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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