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Beyoncé Adds “Baby Mama” to Her Resume

Celebrities

Beyoncé Adds “Baby Mama” to Her Resume

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All the pregnant ladies -- put your hands up!

After four-billion-and-two false tabloid reports that Beyoncé is having a baby, one of them has finally turned out to be true.

That’s right:  the 29-year-old singer is pregnant with her first child, Us Weekly has kindly announced on her behalf.  And, well, it wasn’t exactly a planned development.

“B was shocked. She loves kids, but she wasn’t ready to be a mother just yet,” says a source of the singer, who married Jay-Z in 2008. “She really wanted to get her album done and tour the world again.”

Still, another insider says that the singer, who is in her first trimester, realizes that “this is a gift from God and she’s so happy.”

No word yet on whether Beyoncé will be handling diaper duty, or whether she’ll leave that to her alter-ego, Sasha Fierce.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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