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Woman Dies from Embarrassment in Giant Baby Bottle Hit-and-Run

Candy's Column

Woman Dies from Embarrassment in Giant Baby Bottle Hit-and-Run

My apologies for being MIA the past couple of days.  I went to a conference in Vegas and, sin of all sins, FORGOT MY LAPTOP.  Still mad at me for slacking, you say?  Well, perhaps your anger will turn to sympathy when I tell you I was almost run over by this golf cart topped with a massive baby bottle.  It was going at least five miles an hour.

Not how I’d envisioned my obituary would read.  Death by a bottle of Jose Cuervo, maybe.  Certainly back in my college days.  But not by a killer Latex baby bottle.

That would just be undignified.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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