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The Laughing Stork

Candy's Column

Brainwashing

Sometime between getting pregnant and having the baby, it’s wise if the mother and father sit down and come to an agreement on important life decisions for the child, such as the baby’s name, religion and, most importantly, sports team affiliations:

Mr. Candy, a longtime and misguided Sixers fan, lost this particular game of Rock-Paper-Scissors, which is how we make most all crucial decisions for our daughter.  Unless it’s an even more serious issue, like whose family we’re going to spend the holiday with, at which point I shamelessly play this card:

Shameless, but effective.  See you on the Fourth of July, Mom and Dad!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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