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Word of the Day: Momory

Candy's Column

Word of the Day: Momory

"Well, THAT wasn't so bad!" Candy thought, based on her "momory" of childbirth, despite having the shakes for four hours after delivery and a burning vagina for weeks to come

Function:  Noun

1.  A mom’s selective memory of the child-birthing and -rearing experiences.

a.  In retrospect, the momory of labor and delivery, and the sleepless nights with a screaming baby, are not as bad as they were in reality.

b.  The momory allows a mom to quickly forget how much it sucked when her baby had a cold and ear infection while her husband was on a business trip, and she did not sleep for an entire week.  (“You’re saying I sobbed and said that was the worst week ever and that I never EVER wanted to have a child again in a million years and that I wanted to divorce you on grounds of abandonment?  Really?  Huh.  I don’t remember that at all.  All I know is… I GOT A BABY HUG TODAY!  I LOVE BEING A MOM!”)

c.  Oftentimes momories of these experiences become increasingly pleasant as a mom’s desire for another baby grows.  (i.e., “Awwww, look at your baby!  I miss having a newborn sleep on my chest.  You know, now that I think about it, pushing out a ten-pound baby actually felt FINE!  Maybe I should have another one?”)

d.  The momory is deemed necessary for continued reproduction and the existence of the human race; otherwise, no sane woman would EVER give birth again.

Syn.:  Repression; denial

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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