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And The Most Popular Baby Names of 2009 Are…

In the News

And The Most Popular Baby Names of 2009 Are…

Come on down, Madison and Matthew!  You —

Whoa.  Um, there sure are a lot of you.   On second thought, don’t all come down at once, please.

As I was saying… Madison and Matthew topped the most popular American names in 2009Matthew is a classic, of course, while Madison has risen in popularity over the past decade.

Mr. Candy and I always imagined we’d name our daughter Madison until, well, we actually got pregnant and went to my seven-year-old cousin’s softball game where the pitcher, the catcher, the second basewoman and two-thirds of the outfield were named Madison.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  But sure makes for an interesting game of softball.  As if seven-year-old softball players aren’t confused enough.

“Get the BALL, Madison!  The BALL!  The ball sitting on your feet!  No, not YOU, Madison — the other Madison.  No, the other, OTHER… oh, forget it.”

So, in the interest of our daughter’s future softball career, we named her Skylar.

The top boys names of 2009 were Matthew, Owen, Ethan, Jackson, Evan, Braden, Noah, Jack, and Zachary.  The top girls names of 2009 were Madison, Emma, Hannah, Olivia, Audrey, Isabella, Grace, Taylor and my husband’s one-time fave, Emily.

For the decade, the top boy names were Jacob, Michael, Ethan, Christopher, Jack, Daniel, Aiden, William, Joshua and Ryder.  For girls, the most popular names were Emma, Madison, Emily, Hannah, Olivia, Samantha, Ashley, Ava, Elizabeth and Madelyn.

Meanwhile, Candy remains a popular name with hookers and strippers, and Candace is a favorite among drag queens.  Woo-hoo!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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