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Candy’s Law of Inevitablities

Candy's Column

Candy’s Law of Inevitablities

Benjamin Franklin said, “The only things certain in life are death and taxes.”  Which demonstrates a very important historical point:  that lightning rod clearly fried Ben’s brain.  Because anybody who has been a parent knows there are other certainties in life, certainties that arise almost every day  Also, contrary to what Crazy Benny believed, paying taxes is optional.  Just ask Wesley Snipes.  Duh.

To prove my point about certainties, I have conducted months of research to prepare yet another groundbreaking scientific law.  So, on the heels of Skye’s Law of Universal Gravity-Defying Poop, I present to you CANDY’S LAW OF MATERNAL INEVITABILITIES:

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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