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The Scarecrow, The Cowardly Lion and Not Dorothy

Candy's Column

The Scarecrow, The Cowardly Lion and Not Dorothy

On-line shopping has bitten me in the ass more often than I’d like to admit — from those SmoothAway pads that didn’t remove my leg hair so much as make my skin cry for mercy, to Victoria’s Secret bathing suits that, shockingly, did NOT make me look like Adriana Lima.  On-line shopping is a lazy woman’s (read: MY) dream and worst nightmare.  It saves the hassle of going to the store!  A package is left at the door, yay!  It’s like Christmas, only Santa wears a brown UPS uniform.  And my AmEx card, not a band of merry elves, is Santa’s Little Helper.  It’s just all so exciting UNTIL…

… I receive a Dorothy costume that, thanks to a questionably placed elastic waistband, makes me look more pregnant than when I really was pregnant.  And the last thing I need is to start rumors about Dorothy getting knocked up.  Not that anybody could blame her for succumbing to the charms of that hard-bodied Tin Man.

So, at the last minute, I found myself trying to keep the family “Wizard of Oz” theme alive by slapping together a Wicked Witch costume.  As you can see, Mr. Candy’s Scarecrow costume is pretty awesome, but our Cowardly Lion is NOT pleased with my half-assed costume.  *SIGH*  This kid… she’s a slave driver, I tell ya!


“Fleece?!  In 70-degree weather? Seriously, people?”

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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