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Pumpkins, Pumpkin Hats & Pumpkin-Headed Paparazzi

Candy's Column

Pumpkins, Pumpkin Hats & Pumpkin-Headed Paparazzi

I have made no secret of my deep-seated passion for silly baby hats.  Some women become mothers to contribute to the circle of life.  Others, because they want to experience that unconditional, overwhelming love that a mom has for her child.

As for me?  This is it, the Holy Grail of Motherhood:

Spot the human pumpkin

Yes!  It’s a PUMPKIN HAT, people!  Does it get any better than miniature-sized holiday fruit headwear?  I.  Don’t.  Think.  So.

With Halloween fast approaching, Mr. Candy and I seized the opportunity to dress up Miss Skye in this ensemble from Tar-jay and take her to Mr. Bones Pumpkin Patch here in West Hollywood.  Turns out, it was a good thing she was looking so, er, stylish because the paparazzi were lurking.

Obviously, somebody had tipped off the paps that we were going to be there.  Well, us and Larry Birkhead and his daughter with Anna Nicole Smith, Dannielynn (saw them… what a beautiful little girl), as well as Christina Aguilera with her son Max.

But, I think we can all agree, Skye was the main attraction.  It’s only a matter of time until she lands her first OK! magazine cover, most likely wearing a Pilgrim hat for Thanksgiving or something equally as fashionable.

All kidding aside, it was creepy to watch the photographers swarm the grounds like a bunch of sharks on a feeding frenzy, all for a picture of a three-year-old picking out some gourds.  It made me thankful to be a commoner.  Can you imagine having those dudes trail you and your kid 24/7?  Or having to constantly worry about picking your nose because The Insider might air footage of it:  CANDY DIGS FOR GOLD!   No, thank you.  I believe in the fundamental right of every American — not stated explicitly in the Constitution, but clearly implied — to be able to publicly pick our noses without abandon or fear of ending up in a “Nose Pickers” gallery on

Speaking of famous people, Skye also had her first celebrity encounter:

That’s right — it’s Janice Dickinson without her make-up!  Clearly, she is not taking the demise of her reality show well.

Omigod, everyone, today made me realize how much FREAKIN’ FUN the holidays are going to be now that I have a child.  I feel like a kid again, myself.  Only with more weathered skin and markedly less appreciation for The Wiggles.  And, trust me, this is not the last you will see of Miss Skye in ridiculous Halloween garb.

Mr. Candy and I plan to dress our daughter up and take her Trick-or-Treating — I must warn you, there is a family theme for our costumes — so we can eat all of her candy.  Earning a bagful of Milky Ways for us is the least she can do for us now, given the money, sanity and hair she’s going to cost us during her teenage years.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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