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Fat Camp for Pets

In the News

Fat Camp for Pets

Meet the weight-challenged finalists in Pet Fit Club, the PDSA animal charity’s annual diet competition.  The chubster in the picture, Socrates, weighs in at a whopping 22 pounds — or, um, just two more pounds than OUR chubster, Matty:

Matty’s just “big boned!”  I swear!  (Also, there is no WAY Socrates is only 22 lbs.  They must be using the same sizing system that says Sherri Shepherd is a size 6.)

*AHEM*  Anyway…

Well, okay, at least we know our cat is a monster.  Socrates’ owner, Bill Duncan, had taken him to the vet because he was “worried by his lack of get-up-and-go.”   Hmmm… whatever could be the reason?  The verdict, not surprisingly, was that he was simply too fat to move, likely because of his affinity for cheese and onion crisps.

I hear that, Socrates!

So Socrates, along with eight other weight-challenged pets, entered the Pet Fit Club competition.  With just 100 days to reach his target weight of 9.9lb, he gets two 50g helpings of prescription diet food a day — about half of what he used to eat.

His owner says:

‘When I feed him now, he scoffs it down and looks at me as if to say, ‘Where’s the rest of it?'”

Awwww.  Woe is Socrates.  But, as you can see, the results are striking:

It’s only a matter of time until Socrates dons a pair of Speedos on the cover of Us Weekly:  “SOCRATES REVEALS HIS WEIGHT LOSS SECRET!” followed by appearances in tabloid stories decrying how “Scary skinny Socrates” has become “wafer thin.”

Lindsay is going to be sooooo jealous.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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