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P-Mate: “The Freedom to Pee Standing Up”

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P-Mate: “The Freedom to Pee Standing Up”

If this doesn’t bring a tear of joy to your eye, I don’t know what will…

As women, we have fought for the right to vote.  The right to earn a higher education.  The right to use our ovens for shoe storage.  Despite all of our progress, however, we were never able to achieve the greatest of freedoms…

… Until now.

Yes, ladies, we now have THE FREEDOM TO PEE STANDING UP!  Thanks to the invention of the P-Mate, a cardboard pee funnel, we can proudly (and cleanly) stand alongside our male comrades in the woods and take a whiz after downing too many Snapples in the car.

Just say no to squatting!  Described as “the most amazing female urinary device,” the P-Mate is nothing short of a liberator, offering a whole new world of piss — er, POSSibilities to drunk sorority sisters stumbling back to the dorm after an all-day kegger and female campers.  According to the Web site, the P-Mate is “basically like a cardboard shoe with the toe cut off.  You place the entrance of the ‘shoe’ directly under your urethra, between your legs, pee into the shoe and then make sure that the hole at the toe end is funneling the urine out somewhere other than on your feet.”

“Somewhere other than on your feet” — words to pee by.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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