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The Laughing Stork

Candy's Column

Silly Men

MR. CANDY:  Wow.  Colbie Smulders doesn’t even look pregnant!

ME:  Um, she had her baby a couple months ago.

MR. CANDY:  Oh.  [PAUSE]  Wow.  She lost her weight fast.

ME:  She does look good.

ANOTHER LONG PAUSE.

MR. CANDY:  You think she’s wearing Spanx?

I SHOOT HIM A LOOK.

MR. CANDY:  NO!  … Really?

ME:  [EVIL SMILE]  You should probably also be aware that Téa Leoni had a boob job.

MR. CANDY:  Now you’re just being cruel.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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