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Boy Fakes Kidnapping to Hide Bad Grades (Naturally)

In the News

Boy Fakes Kidnapping to Hide Bad Grades (Naturally)

The “dog ate my homework” excuse is SO last decade…

An 11-year-old boy went to great lengths to avoid bringing home a bad report card, telling police that a man with a pistol snatched him after he left Ed White Middle School.  The boy said the man forced him into a “beat-up car” and threatened to kill him.  The kid then claimed he pulled a James Bond move and escaped by jumping out of the car.  Woo-hoo!  But, sadly, he wasn’t able to grab his bookbag, which of course contained the report card.

I wonder if his failing grade was in Ethics class?

He ran to his grandparents’ house and, his conscience getting the better of him, later confessed to lying.  His grandfather called police to apologize.

My favorite part:

Sgt. Mark Roberts said police were suspicious that the boy was able to “escape” with his band instrument, but not his bookbag.  D’oh!  Dump the tuba, kid!

The boy faces no charges at this time and, if all else fails, could always have a career as an Illinois governor one day.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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