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Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

Candy's Column

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner

You lied to me, Patrick Swayze!

Contrary to what Johnny Castle would have us believe, people DO put baby there.  Oh sure, maybe he’s able to keep HIS Baby out of that damn corner because people have a tendency to concede to men with glistening, muscular torsos and an ability to do things with their hips that are illegal in fifteen states.  But as soon as a restaurant hostess sees MY less-than-rock-hard abs and stroller…?  Well, as you can see in the above picture taken with Mr. Candy’s BlackBerry CrapCam, they were all too quick to shove us and OUR baby in the corner, where we were the state-mandated twenty feet away from the childless diners.  In fact, I’m pretty sure we even had a different menu and our own zip code.

“We’re being discriminated against!” cried Mr. Candy.

So we rose to our feet, plopped ourselves in the main dining area, and refused to give up our seats for the childless diners!  Yes, folks, we are the modern-day Rosa Parks!

Okay, so that didn’t happen.  But that is what we should have done, instead of remaining next to the restrooms where our pasta was served with Eau d’Urinal.  Because while I could understand not wanting our monster stroller to take up the whole freakin’ place, almost all of the other diners were OUTSIDE ON THE PATIO.

Oh, Johnny Castle.  Now I can relate to your pain as a misunderstood outcast amidst a sea of haters.  Next time Mr. Candy will have to win the hostess over by ripping off his shirt and performing the mambo!  Which should get us… at LEAST an extra bread basket.  To make him stop dancing.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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