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The Laughing Stork

Candy's Column

Pussy in a Box

Marcy wasn’t so sure about this baby business until she realized the baby came with a totally awesome bonus:  BOXES AND MORE BOXES!

The gifts are generously pouring in for Miss Skye, which also means good times for the cats — so long as we leave the empty boxes out for them.  Because, you know, it’s not like we already have enough clutter now that we have a baby or anything.  So, hey, let’s just throw some boxes around the living room, too!

The best part is that Marcy thinks we can’t see her in there.  She’s all, “I’ll teach those assholes for bringing a screaming kid into this house!  I’ll hide out in here and they’ll think I’ve left them.  FOR GOOD.  For a household WITHOUT STINKIN’ BABIES.  Ha!  That’ll show ’em.”

Pretty sure I used to do the same thing when I was ten or so.  Whenever my parents would piss me off by doing something horrible like REFUSE TO BUY ME A SWATCH WATCH (THOSE BASTARDS!), I would hide in my closet and pretend I had run away to make them feel as bad and empty as I did without a Swatch Watch on my wrist.  And it worked…!  It really did.

Until, that is, my mom would open the closet and let me know it was time to eat dinner.  But I really had them going till then!

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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