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Heil Hand Sanitizer

Candy's Column

Heil Hand Sanitizer

CANDY:  You know, you should really wash your hands before holding the baby.

MR. CANDY:  [ROLLS EYES]  Yes, dear.

CANDY:  Well, you’ve been flying all day!  Planes are a hotbed for germs…

MR. CANDY:  You’re turning into one of those Nazi moms.

CANDY:  Oh no, you di-in’t!

[SUBTEXT:  “You have two seconds before I throw a bottle of Purell santizer at your head.”]

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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