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Baby Name Up for Auction! Going Once… Twice…

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Baby Name Up for Auction! Going Once… Twice…

An unemployed Arkansas woman pregnant with her SEVENTH child is trying to support her family the old-fashioned way:  by offering the opportunity to name her baby to the highest bidder on eBay.

“You can name him after a loved one, a departed one, or anny grate [sic] boy name!” the ad reads. “I am really looking to get around 20-25 thousand for a new car that fit my BIG family.”

Perhaps she should have used the five bucks spent on that eBay listing on a grammar (or sex education) book instead.

Sadly, eBay wasn’t sympathetic to 36-year-old Lavonne Drummond’s car needs, removing her first three auction attempts due to various guideline violations.  Lavonne says she lost her mini-van fund when eBay removed her first auction — which she claimed garnered an offer of $15,000 from an unknown bidder — because “sellers are not permitted to solicit donations,” according to an e-mail eBay sent to her.

No word on whether the unknown bidder’s user name was “Punked_in_Arkansas.”

Lavonne — whose children are 19, 16, 14, 3, 2 and 1 — is due to deliver her seventh child on Sept. 16.   She said the idea to sell the first name of the child, her second son, “just came” to her while thinking of ways out of her financial funk, and that she would also consider allowing individual supervised visits with her child.  Pimp mommy!

Although Lavonne was allowed to keep her fourth auction on the site, she still feels cheated out of nearly $15,000 — money she says could buy her a new car or put a serious dent in her past-due bills.  As of late today, Lavonne’s latest auction had received a bid of $202.50. And with five days remaining, she’s doubtful the mystery bidder who put up $15,000 earlier this month will return.

“I am super disappointed,” Drummond said. “I have bills mounting, my car broke down yesterday.  And being disappointed took a lot of wind out of me, a lot of energy out of me.”

Poor thing.  Sit back, take a load off!  You deserve a break — and a twenty grand donation — after “being disappointed” like that.  Or maybe you can auction off a date with your teenage daughter instead?   Cha-ching!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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