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All-Day Boobie Bender

Candy's Column

All-Day Boobie Bender


Ah, I remember the days of passing out like that.  Only instead of breast milk, Heineken was my poison of choice.  Of course, they’re not all that different:  Given how Skye has been putting it back lately — I mean REALLY putting it back — I fully expect her to pull up with a funnel and do a breast bong any moment now.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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